Christian Chastity

In our overly "sexualized" culture and society, you see adolescent boys and girls eager to rid themselves of the very things that God has given to them as a gift. Some one's virginity is almost despised by modern day youth due to it being mocked and it's meaning diluted. I was blessed enough to keep my virginity until marriage. Likewise my wife entered into marriage as a virgin. I can't forget the ridicule and heckling I received though throughout high school about my chastity. I honestly didn't do it for God initially and it was more of pride then anything else but after I received Christ I noticed the importance of it even more.

What are we teaching the youth of this age? (as if I'm not one being only 22 lol ;-) ) I'm a youth pastor and know all too well the mindsets of those that I teach. I'm very close with my students and hear many of their problems and concerns. I think we as teachers and models of the Word of God need to realistic. Let's come to an agreement that no matter what, teenagers are going to be attracted to the opposite sex and want to act on that attraction. Parents can either know about it or not. If I were a parent I would want to know about it. I, therefore, have taken a slightly different approach. I don't discourage them from dating but try to teach them how to date in a Christian way.

Teenagers desire relationships and to be loved and to feel attractive. They will get it from whoever is showing it to them. The job that we have as teachers is to show them what true love is and what real attraction is. Not in denying the physicality of attraction but bringing to light that it's so much more than a desire for the outward appearance. Not denying love but bringing to light that love is valuing that person's well being above your own desires.

A man that truly loves a woman will value her purity above his own sexual drive. He will value her reputation above all and will hold her vulnerabilities with great care, never taking advantage of them. He takes pride in treating her as an equal, expecting from her nothing more than God's love to be reciprocated. He desires for a relationship that can reflect God to others and provide hope to those that are lonely.
A woman that truly loves a man will cause him to become something he never imagined he could become. She will make him wait and grow in character while encouraging him along the way. Not forsaking him in his inability but allowing him to attain a level of intimacy that few men actually get to know. A point where sex pails in comparison to the level of spiritual intimacy that's being encountered.

The fact is that movies, tv, music, billboards, etc. are all pumping sex at these kids 24/7 and diluting love and intimacy. Couple that with raging hormones and you have a catastrophe waiting to happen. Please address these issues with your children and loved ones. Honestly, they may not listen to you but you have to be open to them. Teenagers are naturally rebellious (I know, tell you something you don't already know). My point is this though, that if you attempt to corner them into your decision or punishment then it'll just back-fire. I'm not saying to not set down rules but as the scripture says "TRAIN up your child in the way that they should go". You can't train by just setting mandates for people's lives and leaving it at that.

Secondly, get someone around your child that you know they respect i.e. a peer and have them speak to them as well. Nothing is more effective then a friend or peer that rebukes you. To them you're just mom, dad, pastor, old-head, senile, etc. I've sat in far too many prayer groups and heard too many pleas from mothers, asking me to help them with their children. I hate seeing mothers cry, it breaks my heart because I recognize the love they have but you have to teach your children wisely not forcefully.

Teenagers, being hormone driven is natural and God given. The question is what will you listen to more, your hormones or God. I would like to think I'm not a bad looking guy and could have had sex before marriage but honestly it's not worth it. I love my wife and I love being intimate with her but sex is way overrated in today's society. Honestly the greatest thing about sex isn't the orgasm but the intimacy. You can't get that level of intimacy with someone that's not your spouse, no matter how hard you try to find it. The purity of loving someone that's your wife or husband is unmatched. I believe I told my class one day that the world takes things and tries to make them look so good but it's just like putting whip cream on crap.

My wife's long time friend didn't wait to lose hers. Her standard was better than most though in that she would make men wait a year or so. She felt that waiting until marriage was unreasonable and no man is going to do that for a women these days. She felt is was simply a fairy tale. When my wife began to describe how I courted her, how I left prayers on her voicemail, washed her feet and poured oil over them, proposed on a mountain top (God is so cool..that's another story), would leave her mother's house when things got a little hot and heavy because I didn't want to go too far, she began to cry. She thought that stuff like that never happened but it does. You just have to wait. God knows how to prepare His men and women for marriage and trust me you will be well pleased ;-)

It's possible to wait. It is, I've done it and others have as well. It's worth it, I mean it. Even if you don't believe that it's worth the wait is definitely not worth the cost. My wife works in the microbiology lab at KU Med. She says that a majority of STDs don't even show symptoms in men. Couple that with pregnancy(or for some of your abortion....I'll leave that for another day) and the disappointment and it's really not worth it. Please don't allow this world to dictate what determines a man or a women. A real man sets the bar above the norm and a real women won't even bat an eye at someone that isn't going to wait until they're ready. Just make sure that time you're ready is the wedding night. Drop me any questions that you have or any prayer requests. I would love to assist in any way possible.

God bless